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Why It’s Okay to Have Bad Days (A lesson on Perspective)

It’s okay to sometimes be like, “I’m having a bad day,  I’m not feeling like myself” and just be.

This does not mean that you stay there. The key is being self-aware and mindful. Being able to acknowledge that, “this is where I am, it’s not where I wanted to be and this is not where I will stay, but right now, in this moment, this is where I am, this is how I feel and it is okay. Because I know that I am and that I will be okay.”

I haven’t always thought this way. And, often would disregard the quote that says “It’s okay not to be okay.” I’d think to myself, “what do you mean it’s okay?” But, life experiences has since shifted my perspective on this a bit.

Happiness is a choice..

I wholeheartedly believe that our own personal happiness is a choice. And, that it is up to us, whether or not, we allow people, things and circumstances to influence our overall happiness. This, accompanied by the idea that our ability to maintain a positive success “growth” mindset is key to our overall happiness and success in life. However, I have learned through various experiences over the past few years, that life is made up of a series of processes and levels.

Stick with me..

For those of us who are complex, we may need to be extra patient with ourselves when it comes to our personal growth and development, because an essential part of growth is process. Sometimes, going through the process is uncomfortable. Sometimes, it feels like nothing is happening, or as if no progress is being made. But, to endure, we must understand that it is all a part of the process. And, that process does not look the same for everybody.

Your process might not look like my process and that is okay.

During the process, you may have a moment or even an entire day where you are just not okay. And, it seems like in the world of personal development, that we’re taught that we should do things that will promote positivity and a shift in our emotions or mindset, while we are in a negative mental place. I absolutely agree with this.. However, today, I want to share an idea..

That sometimes, an essential part of our PROCESS may be to do nothing at all, but simply observe.

Be mindful and observe HOW you feel, identify WHY, what or who influenced you to feel some type of way and just be.. in the moment.

Simply observe. Allow yourself to FEEL the emotion.

Acknowledge the feeling, without adding or subtracting it’s value.

Know that the FEELING does not have to last forever if you don’t want it to. Because yes, YOU do have a choice to be or not to be happy. You CAN shift your focus and intentionally focus on things that bring you joy and happiness; to SHIFT your feeling (mood), attitude or perspective.

Remember.. that it is okay, to simply observe.

If it happens to be a part of your process, it’s okay.

Don’t feel as if you have to meditate, chant, or baptize yourself in affirmations IF you feel as if you need a minute to just hit the pause button and simply BE in the moment. Yes, even with the negative feelings/emotions.

I feel as if this take on mindset and dealing with negative emotions is taboo to some, but it’s real. Most times the meditation, prayer, affirmations, etc. will work. But, every now and then, you may discover that you just need to be mindful and ride it out.

In the process, as you observe, you remain open to lessons you can learn and perspective shifts can take place, simply because you are still.

Do This Whenever You Feel Uncomfortable, Unconfident or Inadequate..

For the past couple of weeks I have been taking time to hit the reset button and get some much needed r&r. Usually, I am always on the go and tend to keep going until I hit a wall; where I become physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.

During my time of rest and relaxation, I have had opportunities to take part in a few activities I haven’t done in a long time and others that I have never done before. Somehow I found myself outside of my comfort zone, at times where I was not expecting to end up there. Maybe you can relate, but I have found myself having to try a little harder to shift my perspective of my comfort zone – or – in this case, lack thereof. I mean, I’ve literally had to pause, walk and talk myself through the process of shifting my mindset.

Many people are comfortable with their negative mindset/perspective. But, to truly grow and evolve as a person, we must be willing to shift our mindsets and adapt; to enable personal growth and development in uncomfortable experiences.

I’ve gotten a really late start, but over the past 3 years, I’ve really come to loooove Marvel and DC movies and shows. I’ve always wished I had a super power.. But, what I am realizing is that WE already have a super power. Like some of our Superhero faves, who did not discover or come to terms with their powers until they were teenagers or young adults; we have a power that many of us have not discovered or come to terms with yet. Our super power is our MIND and our ability to SHIFT.

So what, we can’t shape-shift or run at super human speed? We have a power that literally can change the trajectory of our lives IF we know how to use it.. yes, to our advantage. Often, when I am outside of my comfort zone, naturally, I feel uncomfortable, unconfident and inadequate. But lately, I’ve been pressing pause and walking myself through the process of shifting my mindset, so that I am focusing less on WHAT I can’t do very well and focusing on what I CAN and have done well.

Y’all, I have found myself tripping up and making mistakes on trivial things, things that I have done many times before AND some things that I’ve never done before. The trip up has not necessarily been in the mistake I made or embarrassment it caused, but rather the fact that I was impatient and disappointed in myself for not excelling. Before beating myself up about it mentally, I hit pause and remind myself that..

  1. It’s okay to try hard and still mess up, many things, over and over again
  2. It’s okay to NOT be perfect
  3. It’s okay to be good at SOME things and not everything. OR, one or two things instead of many things
  4. It’s better to be authentically you and stay in your lane, no matter how uncomfortable it may be at times
  5. Your superpower is your mental ability to leverage being comfortable IN uncomfortable situations
  6. Your super is also your imperfection

I’ve literally had to tell myself at times, “So what, you may not be good at a lot of things, but it is super valuable, just the two or three things that you do VERY well.”

When you find yourself feeling uncomfortable, unconfident or inadequate, heres’ what you should do:

  1. Be patient with yourself
  2. Be consistent in going through the process to SHIFT
  3. Celebrate the small wins too!
  4. Give yourself as many pep talks as you need

Use your super power: your mind. It is so much more powerful than you realize. I encourage you to research and study the power of YOUR mind AND your thoughts. Use your mind; and more specifically to change your life; beginning with the negative thoughts you think consistently about uncomfortable things you experience. When a negative thought comes to mind, replace it with a positive thought. Do this, over and over again. Practice mindfulness and meditation, listen to binaural beats as you sleep, detox and eat clean, stay active and surround yourself with positive minded people.. All these things help us to have a more positive perspective of ourselves and of the challenging and uncomfortable situations we experience.

Stay positive minded & stay safe out there. Keep chasing & manifesting those dreams!

The Truth About Perspective

One of the realist quotes I’ve ever heard, simply states that reality is a question of perspective. The concept of perspective has become increasingly intriguing to me over the past year. This due to a combination of life experiences and a heightened awareness of my thoughts, emotions and ability to adapt in new and challenging situations.

2 years ago I was struggling with suicidal ideations. I wanted to escape the pain and anxiety I was experiencing. I was depressed, burnt out and felt no one would notice or miss me if I was just suddenly gone. 2 years later, I’m alive, healthy and happy overall. And blessed to be celebrating my 27th birthday today. My birthday shenanigans consist of self reflection, relaxation, mindfulness and writing this blog post of course.

I can’t help but think about EVERYTHING I have and everything that I have become over the years. I am so grateful for life. Because, my perspective of my life and life in general was so negative. I’m thankful not just for the petty and superficial things, but I’m so much more aware of things like.. Peace of mind, creativity and opportunity.

“Your perspective will either become your prison or your passport.”

– Steven Furtick

My entire life has changed over the past 5 years, and even more-so over the past 2 years, because my entire PERSPECTIVE of myself and life has shifted. I always say that MINDSET is everything. Our mindset is really just our perspective of ALL things. The beautiful things about shifting your mindset/perspective is that the things around you will begin to shift as well. How? Because, when your mindset changes, your actions begin to align with that new way of thinking. My life has began to change.. and it’s a beautiful thing.

I have come from a place of wanting to end my life to wanting to LIVE. Not just be present and going through the motions of life, but to really LIVE. To show up and be authentically me, to the fullest without shame or apology. I believe this is how we all should live.

Getting to this place is really a place of mental peace and stability. This is the greatest blessing I have. And, there’s many different levels and things that factored or contributed to this. But, the biggest factor was recognizing, understanding and embracing/accepting who I am AND who GOD has created me to be.

We are more than potential. We were each created on purpose,with purpose. Every challenge, positive and negative challenge we experience in life comes to push and position us, so that we may be in alignment with our purpose. It’s like, if we’re not in the right place at the right time, we’ll miss the OPPORTUNITY to operate in our God given purpose.

Opportunity is not hidden. It is everywhere. It is out in the open. But, often times, we miss opportunities because we are not prepared; we’re not in position. We’re not in alignment. Sometimes we think the opportunities either don’t exist, aren’t for us or are hidden. But, this really isn’t the case at all. Really, it’s just that, figuratively speaking, our heads are turned, looking in the wrong direction, so we just don’t see it. How can we solve this? By shifting our perspective.

The difference between where I was 2 years ago and where I am today is that I have shifted my overall perspective of who I am and why I AM here. And, with that, I have begun to take strategic action that aligns with my LIFE PURPOSE.

I am on a mission to empower creative women to clarify, set and slay their BIG + IMPOSSIBLE looking dreams! I want to help you achieve your goals and live your life operating in your God given purpose. That is my purpose.

What is your life purpose? How can you fulfill your purpose and live your life operating in that purpose, daily?

Check out my products and services; to see how we can work together to bring your dreams to life!

I love you all. PEACE, BLESSINGS & HAPPY MANIFESTING!

5 Steps to Bouncing Back

For the past 8 days I have felt exhausted; physically, mentally and emotionally.

Not only have I felt exausted, but I’ve felt uninspired and a lack of motivation.

When I experience this, I like to take a step back and rest. I’ve used more hours of PTO than I’d like to admit. But, you know, I’ve been feeling burnt out and like I just need a nice, long vacation. LOL. Haven’t you felt this way before?

Of course, we all have.. Or, will at some point. And, that is why self-care is so important and so necessary. Especially in the high-stress days we are living in now. There are so many things in our world Sometimes you’ll have to walk yourself through the process of shifting your perspective. I rehearse the point of prioritizing self-care on a consistent basis, even as a part of your daily routine, but it helps to combat feeling burnt out.

Step 1

Realize that IT is a feeling and that YOU have control over this feeling.

Step 2

Shut it down. Log off the social media pages, turn off the T.V., put your cellphone on silent or do not disturb and distance yourself from anyone or anything that you consider toxic to your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. It’s time to shut it all done. Temporarily of course.

Step 3

Take a step back. Take time away from your “To – Do List.” And, I put this in quotations, because, maybe you don’t have an actual to-do list written out, but I’m sure you have a schedule or thing that you make sure to get done everyday. Whether it’s someone or something.. If you’ve felt stressed, unmotivated to do a certain task or have found yourself procrastinating, that may be something you want to take a step back from. Hit the pause button and take a moment to rest.

Step 4

Self-care. Self-care doesn’t look the same for everybody. Maybe it’s taking a few days off of work to read, meditate and have a family stay-cation. Or, maybe it’s hopping on a plane and flying out of the country for awhile. Maybe it’s having a spa day by yourself or with family. Maybe it’s turning off the alarm and sleeping all day. Self-care is time that you should use to rest, relax, detox, recharge and reset. TIP: Incorporate acts of self-care into your daily routine. Don’t wait until you feel stressed or burnt out to make self-care a priority. It is essential to your well-being and enhances your ability to bounce back!

Step 5

Take action. If you have gone through the process of taking steps 1 through 4, and you still feel burnt out, you have to make a conscious decision to take action! You can’t sit back and wait until you feel ready or motivated to jump back in. Sometimes, you’ve got to dip your foot in the water and get a taste of what it feels like to do what you love to do. And, once you get going you’ll begin to gain momentum. The key is to get started AND to keep going.

It’s okay to push yourself AFTER you have taken time to rest and recharge.

The passion that was once burning on the inside of you is still lit. It’s still there. But, sometimes, you have to give it a jump start. Sometimes, you will have to jump off the cliff and trust that the parachute will open.

We all experience burn out from time to time. In fact, I write about this topic at least once a year. It reminds me that it’s okay. And, really, it’s just a part of the process of setting and slaying my goals. I’ve been putting in work, chasing my goals, and when you add all the emotional stressors of life.. from the pandemic to protests, and all the challenges in my own business and personal relationships… It can get overwhelming. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that it’s okay to slow down or in fact, hit the pause button and rest. The same goes for you my friend. It’s okay to hit the pause button and rest.

Peace & Blessings to you. Thanks for reading!

How to Silence Your Inner Critic

You’ve heard it before..

That we can be our own worst enemy

And, maybe you’re experiencing it right now

Struggling to turn down or turn off the negative voice inside your heard

Telling you that you aren’t ready, that you aren’t worthy or qualified

Telling you that maybe you just aren’t good enough

Telling you that you don’t have what it takes, that you should give up and try something else.

It sucks having to battle negative thoughts when you’re trying to pursue BIG + IMPOSSIBLE looking dreams. You know it’s possible.. But, then those negative thoughts bombard your mind and you feel like maybe it’s possible for everybody but YOU.

I know what it’s like. I’ve been there so many times. But, one thing I can definitely say, is that it has gotten EASIER to WIN the challenges my inner critic presents to me, because of a few things that I starting doing and continue to do on the regular.

Today, I want to share with you practical things that you can do to silence your inner critic.

“Your inner critic re-affirms untruths about yourself that you have internalized to be true.”

1

Understand your inner critic. Recognize your inner critic for what IS and what it can be. For most people, the inner critic comes as a form of self-sabotage. It can transform into low self-esteem and a lack of confidence. Often, it leaves us feeling unworthy and less than qualified. However, your inner critic CAN be a tool that YOU use to internally CRITIQUE your actions and progress. Use it to your benefit to INVEST in yourself and in your personal growth and development. I believe that we should always remain in a state of humbleness that will allow us to see our failures and mistakes as opportunities to LEARN and therefore grow and evolve as people. Allow your inner critic to work for you rather than against you.

2

Understand the POWER that you have over your inner critic. SHIFT your perspective of your inner critic and use it to you ADVANTAGE. Whenever you make a mistake or identify an imperfection, shift your perspective to see if as a learning opportunity to evolve and grow as person. See, it as an opportunity to attract people, opportunities and experiences to you that are ideal FOR you.

3

Understand WHO you are and who God has created you to be.

Ephesians 2:10

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Psalms 139:14

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Romans 8:37

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Philippians 4:13

 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

4

Affirm yourself – Write and speak positive affirmations daily.

5

Be mindful of what you feed yourself; physically and mentally. What you allow yourself to entertain on a consistent basis is what will water the seeds that have already been planted. It’s up to you to uproot the weeds and plant better seeds. It’s up to you to water them with positivity, which comes in many forms, and is not simply an affirmation.

6

Practice positive self-talk. You are the story you tell yourself. What you tell yourself everyday will either lift you up or tear you down. Empower yourself!

7

Analyze and compare who you compare yourself to. The persons or businesses you may compare yours/yourself to may not be the same as those you look up to, learn from or idolize. If your perception of them causes you to belittle who you are and what you are capable of, it may be toxic to your mindset. You can take action by un-following or limiting the amount of exposure you have to them/it.

8

Be patient with yourself. Walk yourself through the process of SHIFTING your mindset by: Redirecting your thoughts which is done by changing what you focus on consistently. And then, practice positive self-talk by affirming yourself. “Respond to it’s (inner critic) grievances from a detached perspective” (Psychology Today, Jenna E Pincott, 3/2019). Even if you’re doubting yourself or don’t FEEL it, speak it aloud – quote the affirmation with conviction and authority! This is how you affirm yourself.

9

Keep going! Your inner critic only has the power that YOU give it. So, acknowledge it, use it to your advantage and don’t give up on yourself. Keep going! Learn from the experience and try again.

Make moves to silence your inner critic BEFORE your inner critic presents a challenge.

Implementing and practicing the tips shared above, on a consistent basis, will allow you to more easily and effectively combat your inner critic when it comes to challenge you.