Heartbreak, Rejection, Disappointment and Achieved Goals!
As 2018 came to an end, did you announce to yourself and to the world that 2019 was going to be YOUR YEAR? Where you in that Sunday service where the pastor prophesied over the congregation that 2019 would be THEE year, you’d been hoping, praying and dreaming of for so long, so you jumped, clapped and shouted AMEN with your arms held high with tears in your eyes!? I’ll be the first to raise my hand and confess that I was one of those individuals. I’ll also be honest and admit that 2019 did not at all go how I was hoping it would go.
As we conclude 2019, I’ve found myself wondering what the hell happened? As I write this, I am holding back tears, I can hardly believe I am sharing this with you all.. But, moment of transparency.. I was hoping 2019 would be my breakout out year. I was sure THIS would be thee year I would step on stages and speak, become a best selling author, etc. And let me tell you, this year did not go the way I was hoping it would go. I did not become a best selling author, and although I had booked my FIRST speaking gig – which sadly did not happen, my ex-boyfriend and I broke up after near 2 years of dating – which I didn’t see coming, spent 6+ months of applying and interviewing for a new job before the right opportunity came along.. And, after my bf and I broke up, 2 days later I made an impulsive decision and adopted a kitten, that I had to rehome 4 months later because he was super aggressive to anyone but me and I found out my car had an number of repairs needed to the point that I was literally scared to drive anywhere, let alone the 45 minute drive to work everyday.
Listen, I don’t share all of this for sympathy. And trust me, I know my year has been a walk in the park compared to how many other people’s 2019 has gone. I just want you to understand, before I go any further, that I know what it’s like to have high hopes and goals, only to have them fall through. I also know what it’s like to step out on faith, step outside of your comfort zone and get let down. For example, the one thing I did this year that surprised me most is when I told this guy, a co-worker of mine at the time, that I was interested in him and available, and gave him my phone number (mind you, he had expressed interest in me at the time I was in a relationship). So, what had happened was.. He smiled, said he’d reach out.. Only a few days later, I found out he was possibly involved with someone else and I never heard from him.. (P.S. He was resigning in a few days, so I’d decided to shoot my shot, because hey! You never know, right?) Stepping outside of my comfort zone, that time, led to yet another disappointment. But, I’m glad it did.
Now that I’ve got all that off my chest, please believe me when I say that I am grateful for how this year played out, even though it didn’t pan out initially how I’d planned. I’ll tell you why!
God knows the beginning from the end. He knows what you’ll desire before you ever desire it. He knew I needed that break up to happen, because the relationship I was in was toxic. I was holding on because it was comfortable, but once we broke up.. I felt free and a new sense of boldness. It’s hard to explain, but it’s like I stepped into a season of my life where, I’m ready and willing to go after everything that I desire, no matter how far outside of my comfort zone it may be. Things didn’t happen how or when I wanted them to, but now that I look back I appreciate how it did work out. I didn’t get the jobs I’d wanted initially, but the job I did get, pushed me even further outside of my comfort zone – preparing me even more for my dream of standing on stages and speaking and empowering women! Driving a car that could breakdown at anytime.. uncomfortable. The aggressive cat.. uncomfortable. The rejection.. uncomfortable. Not becoming a best seller.. uncomfortable (I’ve got more learning and growing to do!).
Even though things did not go how I wanted them to.. I am blessed to say that I still achieved MANY of my goals. You can set ALL the GOALS you want, and you can plan and pursue them, but unfortunately that does not guarantee that everything will go how you want them to go. The truth is, you can’t always control the HOW or the WHEN. But if you BELIEVE that you can have the WHAT, then you CAN have the WHAT – no matter what! I’m living proof of that, because I still got a NEW job that I wanted, it just didn’t happen as soon as I’d wanted it to. I Still got a new cat, who is a perfect fit, after having to surrender the aggressive one.. I didn’t speak on stage, but I got back to performing spoken word poetry, I got to vendor at events where I met amazing people, promoted and sold many copies of my book, I even got to travel and mark a goal off my bucket list! Oh, and I set up and registered my business with the State of Az! Not to mention, I’m free of ALL toxic relationships in my life (loss a bf and another best friend).. But, listen, I am grateful for how this year turned out.
See, you’ve got to believe, you’ve got to be patient and ride it out. Not only that, but you’ve got to be willing to step out side of your comfort zone to get what you want. And lastly, you’ve got to be willing to be still, listen and learn from the setbacks, rejections and mistakes you may make along the way. Learn to see the beauty in being in alignment and divine timing. Whether you believe in the universe or God, as I do, trust that everything is working together for your good. You shouldn’t have to wait, like I’ve had to, until you finally get what you want to appreciate the journey and the progress. Learn to appreciate the process! There is so much learning and growing to do IN the process that will make your success so much sweeter!
Maybe you’re like me, and 2019 hasn’t gone the way you thought it would go.. I want you to know that it’s not too late. 2019 can still be THEE year. But, it’s up to you and your mindset. You determine how you’re going to look back and remember 2019. It’s all about perspective. 2019 may not how gone exactly how I hoped it would go, but I can look back and be grateful for all that happened and proud of how I handled everything, because of my mindset. It’s up to you to recognize and value the lessons that can be learned through your experiences. Many people, myself included, planned this year to be a year of domination, but God said no, this is going to be a year of GROWTH. If you accept it and learn the lessons now.. Imagine what that means YOUR 2020 may be… THEE YEAR!!!