The Art of Getting Started.. Pushing Past Fear and Setting Up a Business

“Fear thrives in a place of inaction. Overcome your anxiety by taking one small step forward.” – Sarah Boyd

It all started back when I was a little girl. I had a wild imagination; I always created my own books, played school, played doctor, ran my own businesses.. All of this, while playing with my toys, as a little girl, in my own little world.

Fast forward to age 25 and thinking about making my big, impossible looking dream, a reality. When I thought of it, my mind became consumed with countless thoughts of insecurity and unworthiness. I did not feel qualified or ready to start my online coaching business.

Fast forward to age 26; I was coming out of a 2 year relationship that shifted my perspective of my future. The breakup was like a turning point.I was done settling for less than I deserved or made me happy and I became determined to BE HAPPY no matter what. Not just in my love life, but in EVERY area of my life. It was time to level up spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially and time to MANIFEST my big, impossible looking dreams. Including, starting my online coaching business.

So, I finally decided to start my business, but I had no clue where to begin. I watched many YouTube videos, attended seminars, read books and blogs and learned tips from many business startup coaches across the web. I took the long route, and it was challenging figuring out what exactly applied to me and the type of business I wanted to start. As I learned, I began to get things set up. Finally, I had about 85% of what I needed, set up. But mentally, I wasn’t ready to launch. I was afraid.

FEAR is the one thing that stops most people from ever pursuing their goals and living their dreams. They fail to achieve their goals, because they don’t even start. That would’ve been my story, had I not pushed pushed my fear; thoughts of inadequecy and got started anyway. When it comes to pushing past fear, I believe you must do two things:

1

You must understand that FEAR is false evidence appearing real. Fear is an illusion. The more we focus on our fears, the greater and more intense it becomes and the more power IT has to prevent us from pursuing our goals. Take back your power, by focusing your attention on the positives: your experience, skills, creativity, and the things that make you unique! That is your leverage. That is your advantage. That is what qualifies YOU and is what will attract your ideal clients to you.

2

You must FEEL the fear and do it anyway. Sometimes, the fear won’t go away, even if you do shift your focus to the positives, consistently. You’ve got to continue focusing on the positive as much as possible and take action. As you take action, you will begin to gain momentum. Gain momentum and continue to build!

Because I allowed my fears to dictate my actions; or inaction; I procrastinated and made excuses for a long time, for why I was not yet launching my business. In fact, after I attained my 3 coaching certifications; I began to look for more certifications I could get. Why? Because, I feared that people would think I was not qualified, experienced enough or mature enough to run a coaching business.

To push past the fear, sometimes you’ve got to keep it REAL with yourself. Here’s what I did and what I still do, to push past my fears (the thoughts always come back..!):

  • I sit and write down a list of all my accomplishments: certifications, degrees, life experiences, career experience, etc.
  • When I look in the mirror, I recite positive affirmations! I remind myself who I am and who God has created me to be.
  • I shift my focus to my WHY and remind my self that, my WHY is soo big that my feelings of inadequecy or imperfection doesn’t even matter at this point.
  • I study my vision board and vision book, and I visualize MY future and what it will look like AFTER I take action and pursue my goals and begin to live my life operating in my God given purpose.

I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t have it ALL together. BUT, I was able to START. And, that is a point that many dreamers don’t get to. They fail to get started because of FEAR. Of course, there are other reasons that factor in, but FEAR is one of the most common reasons why. I am on a mission to empower creative women to pursue their big + impossible looking goals, which is why I will be transparent in sharing my journey. I’ve only just begun.

I have officially launched my new website: Setgoalsandslaycoaching.com, where I you’ll find my Set Goals & Slay products and services.

Aside from fear, another reason many people fail to start is simply because they don’t know HOW or where to start. I was able to start, and want to help others get started as well. That is why I created the Set Goals & Slay: Business Guide + Checklist. For a limited time only, you can download this 15 page guide for FREE. This guide includes:

✅Checklist of what you need to start your sidehustle/biz

✅Business entity/structures breakdown

✅Links to registration forms, EIN & Trademarks

✅Business Banking, Domain/Website Hosts

✅Links to Vendors/Suppliers

✅Free/Low-cost coaching/mentoring resources & business coach recommendations

DOWNLOAD your free copay today and start building an empire that you change your life and legacy!

SETGOALSANDSLAYCOACHING.COM

3 Steps to Combating & Conquering Perfectionism: So You Can Stop Waiting and Start Slaying Your Goals

Is perfectionism preventing you from achieving your goal?

Maybe you’ve been wanting to publish your first book or launch your first business. Maybe, you been thinking about starting a podcast or changing careers.

Whatever your dream is, you’ve been putting it off because you don’t feel like you are ready, qualified or good enough. Or, you don’t believe your product or service is PERFECT.

The first thing I want you to know, is that I understand. So, everything I am sharing with you today, comes from a place of personal experience.

I’ve been blessed to write and publish 3 books, start a business and changed careers, less than 1 year ago, all of that, while being an over-thinker. I over think almost EVERYTHING; especially when it comes to potentially LIFE CHANGING decisions.

Not only that, but I love to PLAN. I get almost as much enjoyment in the process of planning as I do, the final result. However, therein lies the opportunity to overthink which for me, often leads to wanting to perfect whatever the task is at hand.

In order to reach the stage of RELEASE, I had to learn to push past my FEARS of IMPERFECTION and release my self and my gifts.

If you want to combat and conquer PERFECTIONISM you are going to RELEASE.

You must give yourself permission to be great. No one can do this for you.

Of course, it’s sounds simple, but there’s a few things you’ll need to do so that you CAN release, combat and conquer!

Tip #1

KNOW YOUR WHY. Here are two questions that you should ask yourself:

What is my WHY factor? (My overall reason for doing what I do)

Is my why BIG enough?

Your WHY should be greater than your insecurities and your limiting belief; any reason you use to justify not taking action… not stepping out on faith, not launching the biz or book, not stepping outside of your comfort zone and going for what you really want.

If your WHY is not big enough, then go back to the drawing board and list ALL the ways that you accomplishing your goal will impact you, those you love AND what will happen IF you do not accomplish your goal.

The benefit of knowing your WHY and having a WHY that is greater than your desire for perfection is that it will motivate you to KEEP GOING. You WHY should motivate you! It should persuade you to take strategic action!

Tip #2

FIND AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER. In January, I joined a mentorship program so that I can 1) Be mentored by someone who is already levels above me, doing and succeeding at what I desire to do AND 2) To be surrounded by like-minded individuals, who are more-so on my level, but are striving to higher heights as well. With this mentorship program comes assignments, meetings, deadlines and social interaction. Altogether, this works to hold ME accountable to the goals that I set at the start and am working toward. We hold each other accountable and my mentor, the coach, holds me accountable as well. I share all that to say this, find yourself SOMEONE; be it, a coach, a mentor, a friend or family member.. Find someone to hold you accountable for your actions or non-actions as it pertains to the pursuit of your goals. Find someone who will not only tell you what you WANT to hear, but what you NEED to hear as well. This could be a game-changer for those of you who having been going at your goals without a support system.

Tip # 3

SHIFT YOUR PERSPECTIVE. The ultimate key to combating perfectionism IS shifting your perception of your imperfection.

I know, here I go again talking about shifting your MINDSET. But, literally, I talk about it all the time, because it is the game-changer for just about everything in life. Most importantly, your ability to achieve your goals.

So, what you want to do is shift your perception, so that you see your imperfection, problem or disadvantage for what it can be.

See your disadvantage as an advantage. And advantage to attract YOUR ideal audience or clients. An advantage to be relatable. See it as an ASSET.

It can be the one thing that makes you stand out or noticeable in a crowd or in an oversaturated market. And, it can be what ATTRACTS what is ideal for you, to you… Ideal clients, ideal opportunities, connections, etc.

It CAN be, IF you SHIFT your perception, embrace the flaws and allow it to WORK for you!

Your IMPERFECTION could very well be your superpower.

For more tips & strategies on slaying your goals, I encourage you to read my blog on tackling limiting beliefs. This is beneficial to getting to the root issue of perfectionism and taking steps to conquering it.

Thank you for reading! Share with someone who needs this.

Goal Achievement: How to Get Started and Stop Stopping

You’ve got this BIG dream that you’ve been pursuing but for some reason you have not made the progress you were hoping you would’ve by now. It’s May, and you’re beginning to feel a bit discouraged. You want to achieve your goals, but you keep stopping. You started out strong and then along the way you loss momentum, you slowed down and became inconsistent. You’ve reached a point where you’re considering giving up entirely.. You’ve have thoughts like: Maybe I’m just not cut out for this. Maybe it’s not meant for me after all..

I know it doesn’t look good right now! You’ve experienced a setback and it’s hard to envision yourself bouncing back. But hear me on this.. 2020 is still YOUR year! Your GOAL is still worth pursuing. And, you are STILL more than capable! You were created with PURPOSE and God has a divine plan for your life. The Corona-virus or any other setback cannot CANCEL God’s will for your life. He has plans to give you a hope and a future (Jeremiah 29: 11 – 13). The setback you are experiencing in your life is temporary. Delayed does not mean denied. God gave you that passion and assigned purpose to your life. Don’t count yourself out, because you’ve slowed down or contemplated stopping. If you’ve stopped, it’s not too late to begin again.

I’m not here to just motivate or encourage you. I am here to give you practical tips for creating a SHIFT in your life. You don’t have to STOP. Here’s what you can do to KEEP going.

The top reasons people STOP or FAIL to START are:

Fear

Perfectionism

Waiting for a right time

AND

Not having an action plan/strategy

Some of us STOP or fail to get started often because of a combination of reasons. Maybe it’s fear or perfectionism.. But, I believe it is most commonly combined with not having the RIGHT PLAN. Not having the right plan is like having a destination in mind, somewhere you’ve never traveled before and just idoly wandering with no clue as to how you’re going to get there. Here this! YOU OWE IT TO YOURSELF TO DO MORE THAN “JUST WINGING IT” when it comes to the pursuit of your dreams.

A real plan is when you have identified where you’re going, what you need to get there, how you’re going to get there and what you will do if/when something doesn’t quite go as plan A.. what is your plan B, C or D. Check out some of my past blog posts where we break down setting strategic goals and creating a plan of action.

You can create a strategy that will help you to STOP stopping OR that will encourage you START!

Here’s how:

1

IF you really want to STOP stopping, the first thing you need to do is go back to the drawing board and ask yourself these questions:

Does my goal reflect my dream?

Remember, your goal(s) are just a break down (steps) leading towards the ultimate dream (the big picture). If your goals are not in alignment with the ultimate dream, then you are just doing “busy work” that will lead to burnout and lack of motivation very quickly.

Is my goal big enough?

What is my WHY factor? (Why do I want to achieve this goal? What will happen if I do not achieve this goal? What will happen/change WHEN I achieve my goal?)

2

Figure out why you keep stopping. Take time to analyze where you are at, why you keep stopping and then for each reason, brainstorm possible alternate routes/solutions. You should never give up on you goals without exploring other options first.

3

Create a support system by:

Getting an accountability partner, coach or mentor.

AND

Utilizing calendars/planers, habit trackers or lists and write out your goals daily, to remind you of your goals and to hold yourself accountable.

In the upcoming blogs, we will tackle the top reasons many people STOP or fail to start, i.e. fear, procrastination, perfectionism, etc.

By completing each of the steps above, you can CREATE a STRATEGY to slay your goals without STOPPING. And, life happens, so if you do stop, if you create the RIGHT plan, you should feel comfortable enough to pick-up where you left off and keep going.

I’m just trying to help someone to KEEP GOING, because I know it gets rough and tough out here sometimes. WE are all experiencing setbacks in these uncertain times and have had to pivot and adjust to what is quickly becoming our new normal.

It may not be easy to start OR to keep going, but I promise you, with the RIGHT strategy you CAN and when you do, it will be worth it!

You don’t have to chase your goals alone! I am here to offer accountability and support as your set and slay your BIG + Impossible looking goals. It is possible IF you have the Right mindset, Right goal and the Right strategy. Ready to create the strategy you need to set goals and slay? Click HERE to learn more about Goal Success Strategy Sessions.

How I Overcame Shyness

Growing up, I was extremely shy. In grade school, I would not say a word to teachers or peers. I would literally nod my head or point in response to a question. Because I refused to talk, I didn’t make friends, so I was always alone. Not only that, but I ended up being bullied by peers, in their attempt to get me to talk. Needless to say, those attempts didn’t work. I simply would run away or physically fight back and after school, sometimes, I would cry.

I didn’t begin to come out of my shell until middle school. By then, I was verbally responsive, making friends and participating in after school clubs. In high school, I was still pretty quiet, but I managed to make a few friends and participated in activities that forced me to speak up. It was during my Sophomore year of high school that I discovered my love for spoken word poetry. I always say that spoken word poetry gave me the courage to say everything I’d been to afraid to say. I went on to perform and tied for 1rst place in the talent show Junior year. I continued to write and perform spoken word as a way to express myself through college and post graduation. It was through that, that I found courage, and discovered my desire to motivate people and a love for socializing and being on stage.

As you can imagine, people who saw me step on stage, performing spoken word for the first time were surprised. That is a common response of those who were used to the shy girl, who never talked. I am blessed to have found the courage to step out and share what I am most passionate about with others. No longer does shyness hold me back from doing what requires me to be social and at the forefront.

If you are shy and find that your shyness is hindering you from putting yourself out there, I want you to know that it is possible to overcome! I want you to know exactly what I did to overcome my shyness.

The way that I was able to overcome my shyness, step on stage and perform spoken word without a hint of nervousness, was by doing this: shifting my mindset. I know, all I talk about it mindset, but hear me out on this one.

It all began with a shift in focus & perspective. When your mindset changes, your perspective “thoughts & beliefs” change. My thoughts and beliefs about me performing poetry that I’d written changed. I focused all of my attention and nervous energy on the message and purpose of the poem and the reason why I wanted to perform spoken word. I wrote poetry to share my story and to inspire people. I knew that in order to do that, I would have to perform at my best. I knew that if I let my nervousness take over, it would distract the audience from really hearing what I had to say. I believed that what I had to say was important and that I had to put shyness, doubt, fear and insecurity to the side. The purpose behind my desire became bigger and more important than my fears. I shifted my mindset and then I took action, leaving no room for negativity. I overcame shyness and found courage to do what I love, by doing THAT every time.

To this day, whenever I have to speak or perform in front of a group of people, I remind myself of the purpose. I focus all of my attention on that! For me, it works like magic. You know what, I tend to be less nervous the larger an audience tends to be. My guess, is that mentally, the sense of urgency increases for me, because there are more people who will hear what I have to say, more people to inspire. If you struggle with shyness, try shifting your focus. Share your thoughts in the comments below!

The Fear of Rejection

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Everyday it’s an ongoing battle

I’m at war with myself

With my thoughts

Everyday, haunted with memories and fears

Constantly fighting off negative thoughts

What if this and what if that?

And, what lies beneath it all, I have discovered is fear

Fear of what exactly? 

What is it that I’m afraid of

What am I trying so hard to protect myself from?

Rejection.

I’m afraid of being hurt and rejected

Again

I’m afraid of the tears, the loneliness and heartbreak

I’m afraid of the disappointment 

The worst days of my life were the most painful

I fear feeling how I felt then, again

Memories of those moments, they come back to haunt me

So, everyday I’m fighting off negative thoughts that try to consume me 

And hold me captive to my past

Everyday it’s a fight

Everyday it’s a struggle

And, I want to fight because I can 

But, can I be honest.. I’m tired

I’m tired of having to fight

I’m tired of facing the lingering fear of rejection

Sometimes, I wish someone could fight for me

Or, that I didn’t have to fight at all

Wish I could get rid of this fear once and for all

How do I get this fear under subjection?

Because it accompanies me daily like I’m the object of it’s affection

I’ve become it’s kryptonite

So, I try to be strong

Act like nothing’s wrong

I wasn’t given the spirit of fear

So how do I let it go?

How do I conquer it before it conquers me?

How do I find the motivation to fight daily?

They said to guard my heart

So, I used that to justify putting up a wall

But walls don’t stop you from falling

But, can cause  you to lose everything you’ve ever wanted

Fear distracts and fear destroys if it’s not destroyed first

Fear has it’s place

But, not when it comes to peace of mind

I’m just out here, trying to find mine.

(Spoken Word Poem by Kezia Marie ©) 

 

I’ve struggled with anxiety for awhile now. Most days, I have a good handle on it. But, some days, it gets the best of me. I have come to realize the the underlying cause of my anxiety and stress is fear; a fear of the things that I cannot control. Most of my worrying comes from worrying about the future. This makes sense, when I consider the type of person I am. I am goal oriented and solution focused. I dislike reflecting on the past if its not to learn from past experience with the expectation that I will benefit from it moving forward. I like to be in control, or at least have an awareness of what is going on with me and around me. But, we all know that, that is  not how life works. We don’t get to be in control of everything. Some things happen unexpectedly and by chance. And, while I do love surprises, I like to limit what those kind of surprises can be.

Knowing the type of person I am, clearly, I am like a magnet for anxiety! And, of course, seeing this as a problem, I am quick to look for a solution. How do I solve this problem? How do I conquer my fear without it conquering me? Well, what I can tell you, is that the perfect place to begin is at the root. What is the foundation of my fear? Rejection. This means that something has happened in my past that has caused me to feel certain, negative emotions that initiated the fear factor. My negative emotions are not connected to the event or person itself, but it is to how it made me feel. So, whenever anything happens (trigger) that causes me to feel similar emotions today, I am instantly reminded of those past events and that increases those intense emotions that translates into anxiety. I become anxious, uneasy, unsettled, irritable, I panic. In those moments it becomes difficult to focus on anything but what I consider to be a problem that I can’t gain control of. 

Thursday morning I awoke, feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted, because of what I’d been struggling with. My fear of rejection. I’d been planning to write a blog on this topic for awhile, but 24 days went by and I just had no idea what to say or where to begin. But, that morning, I lay there, knowing how blessed I am to have what I have and who I have in my life, but was yet afraid that my fear could cause me  to forfeit God’s blessings. I ended up writing this poem instead. Normally, my poems are about my personal experiences and typically end with a positive spin or perspective meant to encourage others. Not this time. I felt like I had no answer, when usually, I do. I had no answers. No word of hope. Nothing more to say. Just raw emotion. 

Today is Sunday. And, I still have no answers. But someone dropped a word of encouragement in my inbox the same day, without knowing what I was dealing with prior to. I was reminded of Proverbs 3: 5 – 6 which says to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your path straight.” This was not only a great answer to my having no answers, but also to my struggle with anxiety. The root of my anxiety is fear, and fear is something that will always present itself. But, whatever the circumstance may be, the answer or solution will always be to trust God no matter what! Regardless of my understanding, I just need to trust him, not rely on my own understanding or inability to understand and to just submit to the process. In Philippians 4:6, we are instructed to be anxious for nothing! He wouldn’t instruct us to do something we aren’t capable of doing or that he is not willing to help us do. Knowing this, I know that I can and will conquer anxiety, so that it does not conquer me! 

 

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