This Is My Story

In my latest blog post I shared with you where I was this time last year and why I’m thankful. Here is the video that corresponds πŸ‘‡

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Empower You is a 70 day devotional, all about shifting your mindset from a negative to a positive success mindset. It can (if you take action) help enhance your confidence and position you to successfully pursue your goals, live your dream & ultimately live your life operating in your God given purpose!

This Time Last Year

This time last year…

It was late one evening that I sat on my living room floor, rocking back and forth. My hands were clammy, and my heart felt as if it was beating outside of my chest. My rapid heartbeat echoed a seemingly off beat cadence in my ears as tears danced down my cheeks. I had what seemed to be a million and one thoughts racing through my mind, but each had the same plot. Three simple words: Just end it.

This time last year, I hit rock bottom. I was in a dark place. I hadn’t been there in a long time. I felt so alone. I was angry at family and those I’d called friend, because no one had noticed the pain in my eyes. No one seemed to notice that everything wasn’t okay. I was just going through the motions and I blamed everyone I knew for not noticing. I cut off a few people I’d considered friends and distanced myself from others, because I blamed them. One specific night I recall, as I sat on my living room floor, I contemplated taking my life. I cried out desperate for courage to just end it. All. I knew I should reach out to someone for help; considering the state of mind I was in. But, in all honesty, I didn’t want to be a burden. I was in a place where I was asking my parents for financial assistance, I was in a relationship that was going downhill.. I just didn’t want to be a burden to anyone. I felt like nobody would notice for days, maybe weeks even, if I just disappeared. If I just ended my life.

I got up from the floor, walked into my kitchen and picked up a knife (and no it wasn’t a plastic or butter knife lol) and began to scream. In that moment, I wished I had the courage to take the knife and split my wrists. But, all I could think about was my faith. I was born and raised in church and was taught that God is the creator of my life and he is the one who determines when my life will come to an end. And, to be a bit more literal; I was taught that suicide is a sin. I felt like I’d suffered enough and didn’t want to burn in hell for eternity in addition to the hell on earth I felt I was experiencing. So, I turned a slammed the knife into the counter and walked away. My thought at that point was, if only God, my religion and my faith didn’t exist, I would have the courage to end my life.

This was the 2nd time in my life I’d dealt with having suicidal ideations. The first time occurred when I was a lot younger. I remember that day pretty vividly as well. I hope that I never find myself in that place ever again. That is where I was, this time last year. The plans I’d had of spending Thanksgiving Day with my, now ex-boyfriend and his family fell through and I didn’t have legitimate plans with my immediate family.. I guess you could say that was the tipping point for me. I had the holiday blues, I was depressed and just felt like I had nothing and nobody to spend the holiday with.. that is, without having to ask. If you know me, you know that I strongly dislike.. okay, I hate bringing extra attention to myself. I don’t like confrontation. So, the last thing I’d want to do is broadcast the fact that I felt alone.

You’re probably wondering, how on earth, someone like me, who is ALL about having a positive mindset would dare share something so NOT positing on today of all days. But, my question to you would be, why not? This purpose of this post is not just to say that I’m thankful that I am not where I was this time last year, but let you know that I am grateful that I was in such a dark place last year. I’ll tell you why. A few days ago, I met one of the reasons why. Yes, you read that right. I met an individual in a parking lot, who was at his breaking point. And, on so many levels, in so many ways I could relate to how he was feeling.. As he shared his story, I was able to do much more than pray. I was able to identify with how he was feeling and was able to express that in a way that allowed him to feel that… He walked away knowing that he is NOT alone and that he is NOT going to be where he was forever. He left knowing that there is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I was representation of that. I was living proof.

It took healing and a transformed mindset to get to where I am today. Initially, it was the fear factor that held me back from attempting to take my life. But, overall, it was deep down, knowing that I am here for a purpose and that the hurt, pain and disappointment I felt was for a reason that I wasn’t yet able to comprehend in that moment. Today, I am thankful for where I was last year, because it makes being HERE today, so much more beautiful. HERE is healthy – mind, body and soul. HERE is being comfortable, even when I’m alone, with no legitimate plans for the holiday. HERE is knowing my purpose and walking in it. HERE is being in position to share my story and to empower someone else to share there story, because someone, somewhere is depending on it.

This is a poem I wrote shortly after that night, inspired by how I was feeling..

Transparency

He said,
β€œI really don’t want to be on this earth anymore
I’m doing my best to stay here for you but I actually don’t know how much longer I can last
All I ever tried to do was help people. Just remember I told you so.”
I felt that

Sitting here wondering
If anyone would notice that I’m gone
Don’t think they would
Mentally and emotionally I’m already done
No one has even noticed
The pain in my eyes
The struggle in my smile
As I put all my effort into covering up my truth
Physically I’m here
Just going through the motions
Day after day after day

No need to decorate the truth with lies
No need to create illusions with my words
In all transparency
This overwhelming sadness keeps creeping up on me
I’m broken

Trying to hold all the pieces of me together
The last thing I want to do is fall apart and burden somebody else

So I keep fighting
Act like nothing’s wrong
I mean, people ask how you’re doing
But don’t stick around long enough to hear the answer
People appear to look at you
But, don’t realize they’re seeing right through you
People say that they’ll be there for you
But, when you need them, they’re too busy, too occupied
We throw words around like they’re nothing
We say we love but wouldn’t recognize it if it smacked us in the face
I’m just trying to find my place
In this messed up human race

He said, He’s doing his best to stay around for people, whoever they may be
But I will fight and stay around
Not for people who are hardly there or pretend to care
I will do it for myself
Because I deserve better

At some point you got to change the game and do it for you.

Thanks for reading!

How to Know If 2020 Will Be Your Year

You said 2019 Was Your Year.. 2019 was the year you would finally pursue your goal(s) and manifest your dreams! This was the year things would finally fall into place for you, because surely, after watching others surrounding you win in various areas of their lives, it was only a matter of time, before you became a person to envy. Soo, what happened? As you reflect on this year, are you satisfied with the outcome? Did you achieve the goals you set out to achieve?

Many of you did not achieve your goals this year. Many of you were convinced 2019 would be your year, but things did not turn out that way, so now you’re thinking it wasn’t your year after all. But, what I want you to know is that 2019 WAS your year! 2018, 2010, 2020.. all the years past, in between and to come, was and will be YOUR year. The truth is, it will always be your year, as long as you do what you need to do. I know how vague that sounds, you’re wanting to know what is it you’re supposed to do and I’ll tell you. Something different! Yes, you read that right. You must do something different. If 2019 did not go how you wanted it to go, then you should not walk into 2020 doing the same things, the same way.

If you want to experience a different result, you’ve got to do something different. Either try something new or do something differently. As long as you are alive and well, there is opportunity all around you! Opportunity, for you to pursue your goals, live your dream and to live your life operating in your God given purpose. But, you have to take action. And, if the actions you took last year didn’t get you to where you wanted to be come year end, then you’ve got to switch it up! If you stayed in your comfort zone, you’ve got to do something that takes you outside of your comfort zone. Often times, what we desire is outside of our comfort zone. So, my question to you is, do you want what you desire bad enough? Do you want it bad enough, that you’re willing to step outside of your comfort zone in order to get it? If the answer is yes, then your decisions thereafter should align with what you desire. Your answer to that question determines whether or not 2020 will be your year.

2020 is YOUR year IF you are willing to step outside of your comfort zone. 2020 is YOUR year IF you are willing to do something different. 2020 is YOUR year IF you set the right kind of goals, with a strategic plan of action and with accountability factors in place. 2020 is YOUR year if you identify and conquer limitations and limiting beliefs. 2020 is YOUR year, if you have identified YOUR WHY factor. Your WHY factor will keep you motivated, no matter how challenging the pursuit of your dream becomes. Motivation is temporary, but your WHY is what will remain. 2019 was your year. And, 2020 will be your year IF you are willing to make decisions that are in alignment with your purpose. You were created for a purpose and you deserve to be happy. If what you did in 2019 did not allow you to operate in your purpose or cause you to be happy.. Do something different. It sounds simple enough, but it’s not. But, what it comes down to, is making a conscious decision NOT to repeat what you did in 2019 if it did not result in you achieving what you wanted to achieve. You don’t have to have it all figured out, but you must be willing will to take strategic action.

The Reason Why You’re Better Off Imperfect

Perfectionism can be a silent killer of dreams. Many people fail to pursue their goals because they allow perfectionism to hinder their progress. I’d like to refrain from painting the idea of perfectionism in a bad light, because in some aspects, perfectionism can be a positive thing. For instance, striving for perfection is a sign that you may have a success “growth” mindset. It means that you see room for improvement and therefore you are open for opportunities of growth and expansion. It’s also a good thing, because it’s likely that you desire to present quality content, products or whatever it is that you are working on.

There is nothing wrong with setting high standards for yourself. However, like anything else, there is a thin line that is easy to cross, if you’re not careful. If you’re not careful, your reason or excuse for not getting started, putting yourself out there or releasing your gift to the world can quickly turn into perfectionism. And, at the end of the day, all it is, is an excuse. Allow me to keep it real with you today. If you’ve put in the work, whether on yourself or on your project, whatever it may be, don’t continue to allow perfection to hinder you from launching any longer. Don’t strive to be perfect. Because, we don’t all define perfection the same. So, when it’s finally “perfect” in your eyes, I guarantee, someone, somewhere will have a differing opinion. So please, cut yourself some slack. Work hard, but don’t over think it.

If you’ve been putting off taking the next big step because you feel you’re not ready or things are not as good as they can be, consider this: You are better off imperfect. And, here’s why; Your flaws and imperfections is a blessing in disguise. Just as you are, you will attract those who are in alignment with your purpose. This means that, you and what you have to offer is not meant for everybody. It’s not perfect for EVERYBODY but it is perfect for SOMEBODY. Somebody will be drawn to you or your product because it’s meant for them, those who it is not for, or who aren’t ready for it will overlook it. They will take the opportunity for granted. So, I encourage you to embrace the flaws and all. See the beauty in the imperfection, and even if you don’t quite see it, launch anyway. Take that leap of faith, step outside of your comfort zone – pursue your goals, live your dream and live your life operating in your God given purpose!

How to Get Unstuck

Have you ever felt stuck in multiple OR every area of your life ALL at once?

At the beginning of 2019 I set my goals and I was determined to slay each and every of them! And you know what, I started off strong. First 3 months, I was killing it. April came, and I began to lose momentum. May came I began to feel stuck, but kept pushing! And, then June came and well, I’ve just been feeling plain stuck, in every area of my life. Now, if that is not discouraging, I don’t know what is.

Now, there are a variety of things you can do to help you get unstuck. You can exercise, meditate, take a vacation, journal, etc. All of those things can be helpful in getting unstuck. But, what I want to share with you today is that “feeling stuck” is like a symptom to a bigger problem. So, think of the above examples as ways to treat the symptom and what I am about to share with you as a way to treat the root of the issue!

1) You’re feeling stuck. And, that’s okay. Everyone experiences this at some point in their life. The first thing I want you to realize, is that feeling stuck, is just that. It is a feeling. It is not an accurate indication of where you actually are. If you’ve been making moves, putting in work, taking actions steps to achieve your goals, then you are not stuck. Even if you’ve just been going round and round in circles. No matter how it feels, you are not stuck!

2) Okay, so you’re probably thinking, if I’m not stuck then, where am I? You are in transition. You are in unfamiliar territory. You are in route. Regardless of where you are, you are not where you began and if you’re feeling stuck, then you’re likely not where you desire to be. So, you need to make sure that you have a clear vision of where you would like to be. To do this, I would suggest meditation to clear your mind and a visualization exercise to get a clear picture of where you want to be.

3) After you’ve taken time to identify and clarify where you want to be, then it is time to re-create the plan. If you have set goals without an action plan, that could be a reason why you are feeling stuck. If you have a plan, but are struggling to execute the steps along the way, that could be why you are feeling stuck. So, I need you to know that it is okay to stop and re-calibrate. It is okay to re-adjust, to re-create the plan and to align. Go back and see what is not working, why it is not working and try something else! What you do today should be in alignment with what you desire to manifest tomorrow.

4) Do something different. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, chances are, you will continue to generate the same results. The point of re-creating your plan, is to ensure that you do something different. Take a risk. Step outside of your comfort zone. Stop waiting for a perfect time or to feel a certain way and just go for it!

5) Be consistent. Remember that feeling stuck is just a “feeling.” You won’t feel that way forever. Keep moving in the direction of your dreams, and eventually you will get there. And, remember this: Everything is not always as it appears to be on the surface, and if the challenges are increasing, then you’re probably closer than you think!

Share your thoughts below. I’d love to know what you think!